Losing It All (Slowly as Hell with a Small Ass Thread of Hope Making it Ever So Slower)

20 08 2008

You think during the times right before you’ve found something special that you are lost. It is nothing compared to the feeling of being lost when you lose that something special. It only gets worse when it has a small chance to survive but the lines of communication are severed and you just ave to watch and wait, always scared shitless that that last thread of hope will just disappear!

I’m in that position right now and boy, I have never been so lost as I am now. Worst of all it was the only thing I cared about, truly the only thing I thought worth living for. I had found this special thing two years ago, and through thick and thin have gotten to a rather good point in my opinion, but woe is me as some dramatic shakespearian actor proclaims, time strained it to the point where it got too thin, and my arrogance cost me seeing it in time to do anything about it.

But even though you realise that a lot of the shit was your fault and you have just learned how to change that, the thing you have just fucking cuts you off. That really screws up your cheerios. and you cant even be mad at them for it either, not really even though you will say some mean things at first. The problem is that you see how much that thing means to you, even more so when it is lost. And when that small thread dangles in front of you just out of reach only by simple communication, you are truly one fucked and unlucky individual.

You start thinking back at all your little mistakes, seeing how you could and would do better if only the chance came back. People start bothering you by telling you to let it go and use that to your advantage in the next instance, but you being your stubborn self only want what you already had, but truly why not? I mean you’ve already got the relationship, you’ve already proved you could work shit out, and so much more.

You being talking and pleading with unknown beings with the rough term “god” saying please oh please you are the only thing that can help me get another chance blah blah. and truly only some divine weird out of the ordinary miracle could possibly save your ass at this point because the thing you had probably has long forgotten it ever cared for you. You were the curb of the self destructive attitude, but when you cant be there because of intentionally severed communication the thing is free to implode as it sees fit.

Everything was against you and the thing working out, but you perservered, improving what you had to the point that you could actually imagine it all falling into place. And then it gets shattered, you left with a bleeding hand picking out the glass shards of failure.

this is the inevitable frailty of man


Check Out My AAR

6 11 2007

If you don’t know what it is, you need to. Just take a look for Odin’s sake!


Son of A Failed Dynasty

17 10 2007

I am in so much more a depression now, this place is a thousand times more depressing. I just completely realized the true extent of the mistakes of my forebears and how I ended up in such a terrible place for someone like me.

 The place we live could possibly have been my families, and in time mine, empire. My great great gandma had thousands of acres of land, and even better used it. She used it to grow pine trees, so just think of it as our little piece of the lumber trade. However, the next generations pissed it all down the drain slowly but surely. There used to be a lot of money and poof its gone.

 Finally it got to my grandfather and great uncle. There wasn’t any money but the land was their’s. through there own stumbling blindness they eventually had to sell it all. Now the wife of my mother’s ex husband grandfather owns it all and even has a mini mall in our town on what should be OUR LAND! And I’m sure the grandfather isn’t like them but his kids are WHITE TRASH REDNECK #$%$^@#$!!!!

I know why my aunt gets so angry about this. THAT SHOULD BE OUR LAND, OUR EMPIRE, OUR WEALTH!

Now we inherit next to nothing, I inherit nothing. I have to if I ever have any hope of rising above these peasants start all over from square one. Problems? The fact that America doesnt have as much oppurtunity as it did. The only way it could ever see fruitation would be in the lifetime of my descendants.

Fuck that, I want to live as I want! I got to bridge the gap by doing it in a very shoot the moondiscover the cure for cancer fashion.

For now, I am the son of a failed dynasty the same as the paupers, even more pathetic because I have the smarts to rise above the muddy swamps of middle class.


16 10 2007

I am going to come back as an undead monstrosity after i die muwahahaha!

Sonata Artica

9 10 2007

first i’d like to say i got 2 philosophic posts coming your way.

 Sonata Artica may be low on popularity as far as music in america goes but you could expect that since the band is from europe. This is one of my favorite bands ever and i just want to send some of you guys that way so you can enjoy their awesomeness. their music ranges from hardcore, to soft, melancholy, uplifting, epic, and much more.

Favorite songs:

1. Full Moon (uplifting)

2. Dream Thieves (hardcore, always good when you’re mad)

3. Wolf and Raven (epic)

4. Black Sheep (epic)

5. Thor the Thundergod (major epic)

6. Talulah (melancholy, what i feel latly)

there you have it, get to bootlegging those songs off of limewire or something.

Total War

6 10 2007

So what have i done all Saturday?

I bought the expansion pack to medieval total war 2 about a week ago. It lets you play 4 different campaigns based on different historical events, one of them being the early exploration of america.

now obviously i had to choose to be the Apache indians. The aztecs, mayans, tarascans, and thlaxacans are all similar and reside in the south. the apache (me) are the northernmost with the chichimec (similar to apaches like the 4 above are similar) are below us. The apaches can use guns and horses after defeating an army using that technology, unlike the 4 southern mesoamericans. (chichimec can too)

In the beginning i mostly just established trade routes with other nations and conquered rebel settlements making my empire grow. however a lot of things happened during this time. New Spain allied with the tarascans and thlazacans and pretty much wiped out the aztecs. then they all turned on each other with the tarascans ultimatly becoming the most powerful and new spain getting completely wiped out. (i think i took a few lands from the chichimec then we agreed to a ceasefire)

Spreading both east, west, and southwards (mostly against rebels, the whole northern coast of the gulf of mexico to florida were rebel lands, mostly rebel tribes who didnt want to become part of my great nation) New France decided to go south from where they entered the new world and low and behold i had those settlements, so they could either travel through my lands or take my settlements now. They choose to fight us….big mistake.

We wiped out New France before they could even get one settlement. thus we began to train horse and gun units.

Now i had crippled the chichimecs western lands taking them all along the coast of the pacific ocean until i found tarascan land. oh lord they had grown big and powerful. This is the beginning of the Apache-Tarascan War.

Our most devout priest of the great spirit called a warpath upon Octolan, the closest tarascan settlement. (did i mention everyone followed the sun god, even the chichimec?) 4 great war chiefs including the apache chiefs son went on the warpath and eventually conquered octolan after much bloodshed and many great victories (being outnumbered about 2 to 1)

As soon as this happened, one chief died from unknown reasons, one was assasinated, and so i had to send my best assassin to defend this area, the tarascans had a great amount of skilled assassins and the best way to fight this was with one of my own.

Astook the chiefs son patrolled the land leaving 215 men behind in octolan. the tarascans would not be defeated so easily, they assaulted the city wanting to quickly take it back before we could get a foothold. Astook came in behind them but sadly Ysika the Great Warrior and his 215 men were already defeated.

Astook adopted a new son, however he was quickly assassinated. Fearing for his life Astook went to the next city over, ahuatilin and made this the new apache capital. Soon the peasents of octolan revolted and allowed the tarascans to take over without a fight. the tarascans exterminated the population as soon as they arrived.

An uneasy peace settled as we finally conquered the chichimecs, and all the rebel tribes along the northern gulf of mexico coast and florida.

Another warpath was called and many chiefs answered, we took back octolan easily and then colotan to the north and another small village to the south. (after the tarascans failed to take our capital and decided to give up taking back octolan)

Now we must take the last rebel tribe, the yamacraw in northern florida, and we must advance upon the tarascan lands from the what once were chichimec lands.

(note, the mayans destroyed New England Colonies in this time, and the thlaxacans have two settlements in tarascan lands because the tarascans made them a slave empire)

Dun Dun Dun, i am returneredenerizedmethinks? Anyhoo update on me myself and i

28 09 2007

Apparently This blog does not live up to the standards of my old one, the now dead except for two 3 and 1/2 floppy disks Scythe’s Edge. And I would say you are correct my friend! Thats why I took a little hiatus and came back. I needed to recharge the old braincells and get to kickin it like ol’ school.

 So what is up with me latly? Well im a hybrid student going to college and high school. Next year will be college full time, in the twelvth grade. Woot for me!

 My mind has come unraveled recently, a combination of weird unlikly things causing this.

 1. The Shivering Isles, home of the God of Madness = me

2. Economics class

3. Chemistry class

4. Buisness and video games

 What does all that mean? Well, new crap from me of course! Sorry for slouching on the writing of stories but my mind is too focused on other things to care.

 Relive (for now as you know i disappear a lot) the great Philosopher!!!