On Existence

9 07 2009

It has been a long time since I wrote a true philosophical post, and I doubt anyone will come across this, but I am writing it anyway.

We are born in darkness, only becoming conciously aware when we are capable of remebering  what we percieve. At first, the only signs of life are base involuntary rythms of life. Soon however we show ourselves as truly aware, sentinent beings. We are however born in ignorance. We begin learning things based on experience and what our senses inform us, such as a hot surface will cause pain in the form of a burn.

We begin to recieve an education to accomodate our growing mind and increased intelligence. It can start out as your parents teaching you to stop shitting yourself and use the potty and then onwards to schooling and maybe even preaching. Often we just blindly accept these things, these laws, these rules. We learn it is much easier to follow an established road than to carve our own.

Some of us question these things. I did not for a long time until I caught myself in my own stupidity. This gave me a period in my life of feeling lost and confused after losing my crutch, like a sucker punch to the gut.  And then after finding the writings of the man I call my mentor I decided to seek answers for myself.

Having no boundaries of black and white, I soon became lost in the grey. I realized I could only see from my perspective and my own perception. Even if I manage to see the other sides, it all amounts to what my opinion becomes and unless I make it uniform as either right or wrong, I still find it without any meaning.

Can you seek out happiness in life and be content? Of course, because it will have meaning to you. Can you lose it? Yes, I lost it almost a year ago now. Can you find it again? I would think so, but for me I think not. I am content to slowly poison myself with sweet sweet cancersticks. Really the only thing that bothers me anymore is the slow passage of time, taking an eternity to reach a desired point, only to have it pass in the blink of an eye.

Besides self satisfaction, what makes something worth anything? Is it sharing the memory with someone close to you, that you care for as my old friend Saul told me? I do not know, as that concept has become lost to me. Except for those memories I hold dear of course.

Does everything come to an ultimate end? Would that make everything meaningless? Do we continue forever, and would it be worth it? How would we continue forever? The only ones I see content with that are those who follow an established doctrine, often one that seems a form of slavery to me. But you cannot judge someone elses happiness……

Why do we fight, harm, and destroy? Why spread sorrow? There are those who feed off of others sorrow. Are we just some spectacle for some higher being? Are we being played like pawns in a game? Is everything predestined or do we have control of our own destiny?

Why are some born to good circumstance and others to terrible circumstance? This automatically throws someone into an existence of either happiness or pain and sorrow. Of course you can rise or fall to the situation, but this still does not explain the gap in equality.

There are so many more concepts to ponder in this existence, this existence gone in a ridiculously small period in the grand scheme of infinity.

I only hope that I am only the few who are lost, especially ones who had something to lose.

“I saw my kingdom in all its glory, atwitter like a golden light, all gone and utterly destroyed in a matter of moments.”

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12 responses

10 07 2009
decemberspirit

It makes it easier to avoid despair if you believe in the afterlife, and start actively working towards it. This world is so full of cruelty, deception and disappointment that without something to counteract it we would all lose hope and go mad…You need somehting to counteract it in the present to sustain you and in the future to give you a purpose for being sustained…The latter is the belief in the afterlife I mentioned, the former, you have to find for yourself….

12 07 2009
decayedsoul

yes like maybe “Happy Go Lucky Fun Land!” where unicorns fly out of your butt on rainbows as fireworks explode happily in the background!

25 07 2009
Kelyxii

“And then after finding the writings of the man I call my mentor I decided to seek answers for myself.”

So, who’s the man?

I believe everything is pre-destined. But, then, we also make our own choices, “choosing” our own destiny. Even so, God already knows what we’ve chosen. Every one of us is a slave in some form or fashion. That’s not limited to sex, race, breed, brand, etc.

I believe we chose our path before we set our human feet on this physical plane. We made our decisons, chose our path, routed our course. That’s where the “born into the situation” comes in. The harder the path we chose, the more we will have learned at the end. No matter what area you’re born into, why not make the most of this time? Every day, every hour, every minute, every second, every breath we receive is a gift from God. Every second is an opportunity. Every opportunity has a chance of becoming a blessing. Every blessing is a gift.

The harder the obstacles are in our course that we overcome, the more advanced we, as spirit beings, become. We are responsible for our own selves. No one can do it for us. We are totally responsible for our own selves. No matter what someone did to us, threw at us, or put us through, we are still totally responsible for our own selves, and our actions and reactions. And we become responsible for what we’ve put others through, threw at them, done to them, etc. This course that we’ve chosen, we have to walk that course ourselves. We can’t depend on others to be the reason why we make our decisions. You have to step up to the plate and take care of your responsiblities. If someone did you wrong, your reaction is your choice. You can choose to not react. But, you must overcome it. If not, you stay at that point, going back and forth, never getting over that hurdle.

If you were abused, as I have been, you can get stuck in the mire, wallowing in it, or you can choose to get up, and make up your mind that you are not going to accept that into your being – maybe even learn something from it. But, don’t hold it in, it can eat away like cancer.

God can help you through it….

25 07 2009
decayedsoul

Yes I am sure the starving people in Africa “choose” that life before being born so that they could “learn a lesson” such as how to painfully die while every god given blessed breath is followed by agonizing pain and suffering, or maybe the the women in darfur prefer to get raped and abused by those jolly fellows trying to cleanse their race from gods green earth?

26 07 2009
Kelyxii

One thing I know, there are times that we have pay for the sins of our forefathers. Perhaps that would be the answer, perhaps not. Perhaps the individual did something in their previous life that they had to compensate or pay for. There are many mysteries for man. If we needed to know the answer, we would know. But, just as we cannot explain what it’s like to be in the center of a black hole, there are some things that won’t be explained until God tells us. Every person has their “lot” in life. No matter what the station. The question is how we deal with it. Are we going to put every blame, shame and pain on people that have wronged us? I’ve been abused in many ways before. I’ve been beat before. I’ve been raped before. I’ve been starving before. But, I’m still here. I don’t blame anyone. And I’m not sitting around thinking, well, they did this, so I can’t get to where I’m going, etc. And I was wronged, so I am not able (won’t) take care of my family, because this happened 5/10/15/20/25/30 years ago. My family did this and made me do this, so 40 years later, I’m going to lay on my rump and do nothing because that happened to me, and it’s all their fault. That crap doesn’t float.

We all have our job to do. If everyone did the same job, nothing would get done. Just like the body, an arm does not do the same function as your heart. But, if we were the heart and we spent all our time resenting the fact that we could not be the arm, what a wasted life. Time is too precious to ever waste a moment.

So, the ultimate question is, and I will take it as an automatic assumption, you do not believe in God, right? Why not just go ahead and state the fact?

You didn’t answer the question –
“And then after finding the writings of the man I call my mentor I decided to seek answers for myself.” ~ who is this man?

I hope you find the answers you’re seeking. Some answers were never meant to be known in this physical plane we humanly exist on currently.

27 07 2009
decemberspirit

I must say I agree with decayedsoul on this one: we certainly do NOT choose the situation we are born into, or indeed thrust into at a later time in life. The only thing we can choose, to some extent, is our reaction to it…And I say to some extent because as humans we are hardwired to react certain ways to certain events, such as mourning the death of a loved one, anger at injustice, happiness at material gain…But we choose the actions we perform (or our inaction) based upon our reactions…

27 07 2009
Kelyxii

Very true – well said. Just as, if someone laughs at anothers pain, they get labeled as mentally ill, I believe we are hardwired to react certain ways to specific things. While laughing at someone elses pain is considered highly inappropriate, not “PC”, etc., in some cultures, it could be considered in a different way. But, if we are hardwired, there was a beginning to this. We had to have came from something FAR greater than the “Big Bang” as some love to excitedly call it. There was a far greater intelligence to this thing called life than just uh-oh, this went here, that went there, merge, mix, and all the sudden, we’re here. ?! Every thing that is in existence has what scientists are referring to as a DNA Barcode, which is SO amazing. A DNA Barcode on every thing in existence did not come from evolution.

The world that we live in today is in traumatic shape. I would HATE to be a teenager today. Growing up, going through all the changes you do between 13-21, it’s so life altering, even devastating at times, without even having to deal with all this electronic stuff that it seems like we’ve just had an explosion in the past few years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my computer, but all the things that kids have access to today, it really is not even fair for kids to grow up that fast, be exposed to things that are. Their brains are still growing, and the schools are forcing knowledge into them that is not even appropriate. You can turn the TV off, not let them do certain things, and go to Walmart and see nudity, hear profanity, just anything you want to see or hear. Society in general is becoming trash. It seems the decent, moral people are speedily becoming the minority now. And it seems that no ones cares at all. It’s getting too big of a thing to stand up to, like we did in the 70’s.

But, no matter what we choose, we should be fully aware that our life is our own to make our decisions and if a person is at a place in their life, and decide they’re not going to work, they can’t handle a job or maybe even trying to do what they’re supposed to do, and then they say, well, my mother/dad/aunt/uncle abused me when I was 6, so that’s why I am the way I am, it’s their fault. Or, my dad is a bum, so that’s why I’m not going to work today, it’s his fault. Or, I’ve had a bad life, I didn’t get the red tractor I wanted when I was 4, I didn’t get the right teachers in school, I never had the kind of clothes I wanted to wear, I didn’t get everything I wanted in my life, I didn’t get the particular car I wanted when I got my license, I didn’t get all the money I wanted while growing up, I could go on and on and on, but let me go ahead and say, okay, I’m going to be a bum now because of all of this, and it’s all my moms/dads/brothers/sisters/etc. fault, or maybe it’s just ALL Gods fault. Yeah, that’s it.

Or, more factual, I was run over by a car when I was a toddler, I was raped by a cousin when I was 5, raped by my brother when I was 6, raped by another cousin at 7, my dad abused me most of my younger years, forcing my face into the toilet if I forgot to flush after I pooped, so he thought that if he pushed my face into it, it would help me to remember, regularly beaten with a belt until the school threatened him with Defax, (ever got a whippin’ with those big metal chains? It really sucks…) then he got better at knowing where to hit, but none of that was as bad as the mental abuse, which occurred daily and still occurs, never knowing when I came home if he was going to kill my mom, or me, gang raped at 16, beaten at least once a week for almost 3 years by my first husband, there is so much stuff, no sense in even wasting the time or oxygen bringing it up, but, no matter what life choices I make, I still make because even though that has been my life, I will rise above it, and do what’s right, what is best for me, and I Will Not lay blame on anyone. Because, my actions or reactions are completely my choice. I can choose to let it destroy me or my life, or, I can choose to be a better person than that.

Every one of us is entitled to their own opinion. I do believe we chart our own course. And I believe we have control over making our own choices, even to the point of making a choice that would veer us off the course that we made. And I also believe, like the Bible says, we all have a guardian angel, and I believe we have guides to help us. But, if someone is in Africa, or Darfur, as bad as it is, if they were not supposed to be there, I do not believe they would stay there, or remain there. I believe if something is going to happen, if we do something to prevent it from occuring, it will still happen in some way shape or form. If we try to get out of doing something that we are supposed to be doing, and we do get out of it, in some way, it will come around again, and we still will have to do it. If it is our time to die in a wreck, even if we stayed at home and never got into a car again, our time would still come to die.
But, that’s my beliefs. It doesn’t have to be, and I wouldn’t expect it to be, anyone elses beliefs unless that’s what they chose to believe.

Happy Monday everyone! Thanks for the brain stimulation!

27 07 2009
decayedsoul

im surprised a small discussion got going, what is this Scythe’s Edge or something? Haha maybe I should write some more…….

28 07 2009
decemberspirit

That last paragraph in K’s last comment reminded me of a line from Kung Fu Panda, lol; “One often meets his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it”…Which I think is true.
And blimey, did all that really happen to you?! Boy did you get some tough tests in life!
The world definitely is going to hell in a handbasket, but it is all prophesized in the holy book I go by, and it is a sign of the end of times…

28 07 2009
decayedsoul

yes like it was going to end any of the other times people said it would, 2000 and 2012 only being recent examples. if we keep saying the world will end eventually we’d be right because we would be too stupid to, I dunno, prevent it or you know better it and move forward instead of seeking some whimsical afterlife we cannot prove period. Im not saying its wrong to believe in that, but it would be much more prudent to work on the one we are in now.

And K if all that stuff happened to you its a wonder you are still sane, you must have some willpower in you. Unfortunately all you can do is be the way you are because in this life that will be with you all your days. I often wonder at the sheer force of the innumerable amount of horrible things our world has to offer.

Yes our world is corrupt and rotting and it is a reflection of how humanity itself has decayed. Then again we have always been this way although we are very good and innovative when it comes to developing new ways to destroy ourselves.

29 07 2009
Kelyxii

I’m still curious to who this “mentor” is and what is his writings on?

I never believed that it would end in 2000. Too soon. Not too soon for me, but everything had not been fulfilled yet. I believe 2012 sounds more like it, although I wish we didn’t have to wait that long. I’m ready to be in Heaven myself. I totally believe in an afterlife. This world that we know will end and it will be revamped to make a new earth.

And, yes, all that, and so much more happened to me in this life. Sane? I don’t know that I’m really sane. I am a very productive person, who normally tries to “over-do” everything, as I’ve been told.

“Whimisical” afterlife? that we cannot prove? That is why we call it faith. It’s easy for someone to see something and have faith, but to have not seen it with your own eyes, and have the faith, well, that’s entirely different.

SO, what do you believe? Do you believe we die, and our body just lies in the ground, and thats it? You can’t believe in God and call it a “whimsical” afterlife. Do you think God would have let His Son die for us so that we could have the opportunity of everlasting life for a “whimsical” afterlife? You haven’t had the right experience yet.

And, yes, it will be with me all of my days, but I do not dwell on it, and I choose to rise above it. I will not let incidents keep my from accomplishing my life, and I will not lay blame. Looking for something/someone to blame is a parasitic cancer that when it attaches, it’s almost impossible to get out.

Happy Day! It’s Wednesday. Wednesday is a sucky day. But, going to make an extra effort on this day, because this is the day the Lord has made. Rev up your engines! Let’s make the most of every moment friends!

29 07 2009
Decemberspirit

I never believed it was going to end when everyone else said so-there are other signs we have to wait for. I don’t know if 2012 might be it-I will have to see whether those aforementioned signs occur, though to be honest I doubt it. It doesn’t really matter to me when it will end-all of us will die, either before the end or at it. And you only have one life to answer with. Whether you believe you will answer to a higher power or you believe you will merely cease to exist, surely the fact of it being just one Earthly life is enough to make you seize hold of it and make the most of what you have been given.

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